The Courage Within That Allow Us To Grow
Allow yourself to grow, because you love and respect yourself. And not because, you want to seek approval from others.
I just finished listening to messages that’s coming from a close friend of mine. After listening to it, I realized that I have a very high hopes towards her reply. This time, the reply is not satisfactionery. Why? It’s because she didn’t support me in my decision and plan.
I have accepted that I have ‘defensiveness’ and ‘disappointment’ emotion at that moment. And, I have taking action for it. (If you need any profesional help regarding emotional blockages or traumas, book private session by clicking the link here.)
A couple of things that I actually agree with her is 1) we need to be very sure of where we are right now and where we are heading, 2) we need to understand and know ourselves, and 3) we need to be aware about the goals, whether it is feasible ot not.
Now…
There are always two sides of the same coin. And I’m going to share my side of the story. The reason why I share this is because I believe many people encounter this problem but can’t find the middle ground to it.
No.1 The Motivation and Intention Behind It All
You are not your friend, and your friend is not you. You need to be very clear clear about this.
When others see your actions, it should be the final step after a series of contemplation and discussion (with yourselves). Therefore, the reasoning behind your actions are specific to you, but not others. The funny thing is, even you explain it to them, they might still not get it.
The only difference of an action is not ‘the action’ itself, but the reasoning behind it. Then, how do we see whether an action is good and bad in itself? It’s very easy. We look at the result.
When a person has decided to do something, they might give thousands of reasons why that action is good, favourable, and beneficial to them. But the main focus is actually not in the reasoning. It is in the result. After the action has been executed, how that person feel? Has the situation improved or going to the other way?
Some decisions are hard decisions, so immediate results might not have shown. But in the longer run, I’m sure it will show clearly whether the motivation and intention (reasoning) of the action were actually truly good and beneficial for that person’s future.
No.2 Be Aware Of Your Filters
Filters can come in many shapes. It could be your mood, limiting beliefs, latest experiences, cultural background, challenges at home and work, hormonal imbalances, past traumas, unhealed wounds, etc.
In my case, this friend of mine was facing challenges in her life non-stop and I quote from her words to me, she had several mental breakdown because how stressed she was at work.
These several words are not normal words. It is a cue of her situation. I have been communicating with her in various situations and I know this time was not her best. Her circumstances elicit negative side of her. She definitely was having a hard time to cope with it. When I listened carefully, her words might be laced with concerns for me, but in reality she projected what’s happening inside, outwardly.
And, why am I so sure that it’s all about her and not about me?
I can give you a straightforward answer. Here it goes:
If you have accepted many parts of yourselves, and decided that you will do everything in your power to grow towards better direction, you will be starting to realize many things about yourselves. So, you practice. Meditation, letting go, forgiveness, any practice that you have affinity with. If you have chosen the right path, you will see progress. Little by little, step by step, you strengthen your foundation and your inner courage.
Therefore,
If somehow your close friends finds your action, plan and dreams were not agreeable, you still have the courage to continue forward because deep down in you know why you are doing it in the first place and why you want to stick with the plan.
Be aware of our own filters as well. Before reacting to what’s happening externally, make sure that you are centered and ready to hear what others have to say.
Don’t you think it’s only logical to be ready for unsavory replies that you might get by sharing your opinions or decisions? As no two people are exactly the same, it is only natural if perception varies. Assuming otherwise will only bring pain and suffering.
No.3 What Others Think of You is Not You
We have heard these words or similar to it so many times. But we might fall victim to it most of the time. The number one reason why we fall victim to it is we seek approval from the external. I might as well add another one. Most of us don’t really know ourselves.
We use society’s value to determine the value within us. We were being programmed since ancient times that we need to have certain values to be accepted in the society. No, I’m not saying we should be lounging all day long doing nothing. The main challenge is not ‘having the value’ but ‘which value we use as the main parameter’.
As the world are made up by diverse culture, some values are being accepted in some cultures while being rejected in others. Now my question to invoke your curiosity, which values should we adopt?
If we already know that values are susceptible to change, then why we forced ourselves to accept and follow it blindly?
If,
After all this time you always improve yourselves to seek approval from others, a pat in the back from your supervisors because you do well in work, I encourage you to drop it. It will lead you nowhere and forever, you will be the ‘slave’ of others. You will never be free and happy.
We might not living in a cage but somehow many of us subconsciously cage and bind ourselves to it.
The way out is easier than you think.
It is to know yourself. Spend a quiet time with yourselves if possible daily, maybe after a long day at work or in the morning before the day starts.
Write down or record your thoughts in any media, and process your feelings or experiences with objectivity. See whether you could elicit what is truly happening behind the emotions, events, conflict, etc that you have been through.
I believe there is such program to help you in this topic, feel free to search the one that is suitable for you. (Or if you are interested, I am offering professional help to those who need it, click the link here to book private session).
Here some suggestion that I thought you might have interest in:
